REAL STORIES

Age: 38
Gender: Female
Location: Boise

I am a 38 year old female who is currently serving time in the Pocatello Women's Correctional Center with a parole violation with a new crime - a grand theft and forgery. Jail has been a revolving door for me for 12 years. My life of meth use and crimes has ended me up in this shit hole time and time again. All my crimes were done while I was on meth. I lied and stole things to get money to support my habit. Basically, I sold my soul to the devil! I was too high to see who I was hurting. I am a three time loser who has been paroled three times.

The campaign ad "Not Even Once" is so true for meth became part of their life at a very young age. I never touched a drug until I was 28 years of age. My mom was an alcoholic and tried a number of times to commit suicide. I never understood why she was so unhappy. My father was an addict in and out of prison due to drugs and crime. Like most of us growing up we say "I'll never be like my parents." Well, that got me through my adolescent years into adulthood. At 18 years of age and my first child like most young women, high school dropout pregnant. This was my first run in with this drug that robs people of their souls. I was married to an abusive husband who had a meth problem. I figured that it was no big deal. He was old enough to do his own thing so I left it along. One morning I found a small amount on my side of the dresser. I was pissed about it so I flushed it down the toilet. Thinking I had the right to, I later would find out that it would receive me a beating. Meth was the one thing I never wanted in my life again. At age 25 I was re-married to a man 15 years older than myself. I felt I was on top of the world and life for me was going to be ok. Two and a half years later my father passed as emphasima and asthma living in the fast lane of addiction took its tale on his body. He died at age 45 - I felt so hopeless and lost. My sister and half brother who also had meth addictions could not feel anything. I never understood a drug that was "good" but "bad." I had just lost everything that meaning my dad. I just didn't care and I too wanted to feel numb. My sister said "just do it - it will help you feel better."She laid a small amount on the table, cutting it into two lines. She rolled dollar bill into a straw. She said plug one side and snort one line into the other side of your nose. I remember it burned my nose and tasted real bad. In a matter of 15 minutes my heart was racing and I felt good, strong, smart, and full of energy. Wow! I guess I was wrong about this drug. It wasn't any worse than drinking.

That's the day that my "recreational" use started. I used on the weekends, hanging out meeting new people. After about a month I was hanging with bigger fish like dealer hat had the supply. I was liked and trusted. I had my own home, nice car and money. So I started to buy large amounts at a time to package up, sell on the street and support my habit. Within two months my husband started to question my behavior, friends and the amount of time I was out with friends. I lied until he believed me. I was lying, starting to commit crimes, and I didn't think for a second that I had a problem.

I started cooking meth in my garage while my husband was working in California. That was also the time I began to smoke it out of a glass pipe until I was so high I couldn't event walk. I would like there for about 20 minutes before I could move. This was part of my life now. I had already seen a lot of different people all of which were meth addicts, some who did not take care of their children. So as long as my kids were taken care of, house clean, well it reinforced my belief I did not have a problem. I could control my use. Little did I know that I was on the "phase" program - it was only a matter of time before I would reach that level.

So now the excuses were more and more. My dad died, my marriage was going downhill, and I did not like pain. So my habit increased. I had it at my disposal all times and made money and did not have to feel any discomfort - what more could you ask for? I lived in a quiet neighborhood and I never let anybody in or out of my home past 10pm. Lights off and kids in bed only to find myself making the drug that would kill so many lives. So at this time I became the "bigger fish" - the one who everybody came to. I was like a god in some eyes, although I only dealt with a few people so that I was not to expose my identity to too many people. I learned from a boyfriend that I could inject this drug in my vein for the most intense feeling. As I lied there allowing another to place a needle in my arm, my heart pounded. Soon I felt a warm sensation all over my body as if I was floating in air. I was hooked and would do anything to get this drug eve if it meant lying, cheating and stealing and choosing it over my life and everything that I loved. Soon after my IV use, me and my partner were raided in apartment that was loaned to us in exchange for drugs. The police only had 36 hours of video, the SWAT team kicking in the door 10 minutes after I arrived. We were arrested and taken in for questioning. Because I stayed away for a few days I only received a frequenting charge. Of course my family was upset but my husband bonded me out so I never sat in jail. Like a slap on the hand I felt that it was really not a big deal. I just wanted to get high. Over the next couple of years I would be on probation and still continued to use. With people who were looking for a high, so now I am at the point where I have pushed everyone away. I stole and forged checks to support my habit; dirty UAs and continuing to violate my probation.

Back in jail again to serve six months, then back again on another violation. I was sentenced to three years. I felt relieved that it was over. I did not want meth - it had made me be the person I hated. In 2004, I was paroled for the first time. My mother just had a stroke and I had to cope with that. I came from the E. Boise Women's Work Center so I had a job that I had to beg to get because I was a felon with drug charges and $ crime. I was working on my estranged marriage. After 2 1/2 years of sobriety my brother sexually molested my daughter - she was six months pregnant.

I cracked - went looking for drugs once again to numb my pain. Everything I gained in my sobriety was gone - 5 1/2 years worth all because I couldn't cope. I picked up a new charge of possession, a violation with the parole board. I got 1 year with four indeterminate. The parole board never gave me any more time. I was sent to a work center and once again released on paroled in 2007. This time I went back to school and made huge strides in changing my life. I learned that I took on to much at one time and that all the years of drug abuse I allowed so much hurt in and stuff it. I could go on about what I've seen and done on meth but I want to take it further to tell my story to young people. I've been clean and sober from meth since October 2006 but have relapsed with marijuana. I also suffer from bulimia. In truth I sold myself to the devil 11 years ago and today I'm realizing that I never owed him anything to begin with. I'm on the right path and want to continue to help people. My kids are also in recovery and going strong. Remember you have to want it. I'm finally putting the energy that I gave getting drugs into kicking it. For some we don't "get it" until it's too late. Stop! Get help or you too will end up to a life behind bars of no life at all. Do you have any allergies? YesŠI'm allergic to drugs and alcohol. They make me break out in felonies.

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