REAL STORIES

Age: 36
Gender: female
Location: Post Falls

I started using meth when I was 13. My older sister introduced me to the drug that I thought was going to save me from the hell I was living. By the time I was 13 I had already had many failed suicide attempts and I was into any drug that would numb the pain from the emotional, physical, and sexual abuse I was subjected to on a daily basis. I went to my first treatment center when I was 16 years old and I did not stay clean. I went to live with an aunt when I was 17 after my mom beat me black and blue and she put me back in school but I never stayed clean. When I turned 19 I married a man in the Marine Corps to escape the legal consequences that I was about to endure from my drug addiction

I stayed meth free for two years and then I came back to Idaho to visit and started getting high again. The obsession had started and my sister was mailing me the drug in Indiana. I convinced my husband that we needed to come to Idaho on vacation to visit my family and he decided to give in to me. We came for Christmas in 1995 and I never left. I went to the bar with my sister and I got so high. I felt like I was home. I lost my husband, house and child (she was 2). I chose my life of meth over my daughter and I lost custody because I was too high to go to court. I ran hard using my loss as the reason and I ended up pregnant again. I was so upset when I found out that I was pregnant but I continued to use until I went into premature labor.

My second daughter was born in 1997. When she was 2 days old I started smoking meth again. Her dad had no idea what was going on. When my daughter was 2 months old her dad beat me in the front yard and I used that as an excuse to run hard again. I was using every day and I was not being responsible. My sister and I hooked up with a guy that taught us how to cook and from that day forward my life went downhill fast. I started to get in legal trouble and I was not being a responsible parent. We were living in hotel rooms and cooking dope. We put our kids at risk by cooking while they were sleeping. In February 1999 I got arrested on an accessory charge and I had drugs on me. At this point I had a $300 a day habit and that just kept me normal.

In April 1999 just after Easter I was cleaning up after cooking a batch of dope and my youngest sister found my daughter with her face blue and in distress. I knew what was happening and I was so afraid of what was going to happen. I took my 18 month old daughter to the hospital where they pumped her stomach and had to revive her. She had overdosed on my dope. I lied to the doctors and it took them 24 hours to be able to get a sample. She tested positive. She had ingested an unknown amount of methamphetamines. I would like to tell you that I got clean that day but I just did not know how. I tried to commit suicide again and I checked into KMC psych unit and checked out 24 hours later. They issued a warrant for my arrest and put me in jail. My daughter went into state custody and was placed with my mother. I sat in jail 14 days and when I went to court the medical records were not certified or notarized. The charges were dismissed and I went to treatment. It was a long hard road but I am now almost 10 years clean.

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